This december will mark 12 years since my dad passed away. After his death, I spent many years trying to forget him because it was too painful to remember him and the wonderful memories I had of him. I felt betrayed by his death and blamed for him leaving me so early in my life. Did he not love me enough? What had I done to deserve my father leaving me at a time when I was getting out of my teenage years and just staring to appreciate what a wonderful person he was.
It's only in the past year or so that I've been able to come to terms with my dad's passing. The first step was to have the guts to display his picture in my living room. This way, I feel that atleast he is here to watch over me and help me in my times of need. Sentimental ? Perhaps yes.
But I have come to the conclusion that alive, or in heaven, my dad is in my life and with me through everything. Every time I have had a tough situation in my life, my dad appears in my dreams. This has hapened without fail for the past 12 years, but it took me a long time to realize that this was his way of being here for me without being here in person. So I had no reason to be angry with him.
I do wonder how different my life would be if my dad was alive today. Where would I be living, what kind of lifestyle would I have, what would I be doing? Then I wonder whether he approves of the decisions that I have made in my life. Would he have approved of my career, my choice of spouse? The latter bugs me the most. Conventional wisdom says that women look for qualities in a spouse that remind them of their father. Is that true in my case? And would my dad have approved?
Everyone in my family knows that my dad and I shared a very special relationship. I was his first-born and his princess. He spared no expense to make me a success in school and beyond. His love was unconditional and infinite. I could do no wrong in his eyes. He protected and sheltered me from every storm in life. And gave me the freedom to spread my wings and explore the world on my own terms. I knew that he would always be there to catch me if I fell.
I think thats why his death hit me really hard. The only person who loved me uncondtionally for who I am was no more. And I really really hated him for leaving me to fend by myself. I know my mother and brother love me a lot and will do anything for me, but I don't think that anyone can love me as much as my dad did. Love, pure, unconditional, unwavering and infinite.
Life is tough for me these past few days. Someone close to me did something that hurt my feelings so much that I cannot even bear to talk to him. And at this time, I am really really missing my dad. I wish he was here in person to calm me, soothe me and tell me everything will be ok. I really need some tender, loving care right now and there's no one here to give that to me. Had he been alive, I would have run into his arms and cried out my hurt. He would have given me a great big hug, swept my hair and let me cry till I could cry no more. Oh how I wish he was here with me right now. Nothing is greater than a father's love and even at the age of 31 I am craving to crawl into his arms like a little child and staying there for the rest of my life.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
The Power of Love
In the first 6 books of Harry Potter, Dumbledore tells Harry that the power of love overcomes all evil. Ofcourse, we see this come true in Book 7. Harry’s mom sacrificed herself for Harry, so when Voldermort tries to kill Harry, the curse rebounds back to Voldermort. Love for her son makes Narcissa Malfoy tell Voldermort that Harry is dead, even though he is alive and this ultimately leads to his downfall. Love for her children makes Mrs. Weasley take on Bellatrix Lestrange and kill her when no one else had been able to. And love leads to 6 new characters in the 7th book (the kids of HP-GW and RW-HG), giving us a chance for a new series of adventures :-)
All this happens in the magical world that Ms. Rowling created. So pray tell me why in Muggles-Land i.e. the real world we inhabitate, why don’t we see the power of love overcome all ? Why do husbands and wives fight? Are’nt they supposed to be in love?Why do they do things with the intent of hurting one another’s feelings and gain pleasure in seeing each other in pain ?
My theory is that real love in the real world exists only between a mother and her child. Mothers are the ultimate self-sacrificers who will do anything for the sake of their kids.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, they make countless sacrifices for their children. Perhaps Ms. Rowling knows this. Look at her book. Lily Potter’s love for her son saves him. Lord Voldermort is betrayed by Narcissa Malfoy for the sake of her son. Mrs. Weasley defeats Bellatrix when her kids are at risk.
Yep, mom’s love overcomes all. Husbands and wives need to learn this lesson too and apply it to their lives. A tall order I know, but something we can all learn to do with time, Vinay and me included.
All this happens in the magical world that Ms. Rowling created. So pray tell me why in Muggles-Land i.e. the real world we inhabitate, why don’t we see the power of love overcome all ? Why do husbands and wives fight? Are’nt they supposed to be in love?Why do they do things with the intent of hurting one another’s feelings and gain pleasure in seeing each other in pain ?
My theory is that real love in the real world exists only between a mother and her child. Mothers are the ultimate self-sacrificers who will do anything for the sake of their kids.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, they make countless sacrifices for their children. Perhaps Ms. Rowling knows this. Look at her book. Lily Potter’s love for her son saves him. Lord Voldermort is betrayed by Narcissa Malfoy for the sake of her son. Mrs. Weasley defeats Bellatrix when her kids are at risk.
Yep, mom’s love overcomes all. Husbands and wives need to learn this lesson too and apply it to their lives. A tall order I know, but something we can all learn to do with time, Vinay and me included.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
My Mouth goes Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm
I spent my teenage years in the lovely caribbean island of Trinidad. 50% of the population is of India Origin and it shows in the food. My favorite snacks growing up were phulourie and doubles, which are the Trinidadian versions of Indian Snacks pakodas and chola-bhatura. Man those were the days!
Holy Faith Convent, Couva. My high school. Lunch Break at 11am. Time to run to the cafeteria. Reason - freshly fried phulourie - 6 for a dollar, soaking up some home-made tamarind sauce with plenty of pepper and garlic, served to you in a little brown bag. The brown bag captured the steam from the hot phulourie and the taste was just to die for and the price was easy on the pocket money :-)
On Sundays after attending services at the Local Mandir, we would head to the nearest doubles stand. Doubles is basically 2 pieces of fried dough, eaten as a sandwich, with a filling of chana, kuchela(kinda like grated mango achar) and hot sauce. Washed down with fresh coconut water.
Man those were the days!
5 years into marriage, I decided it was high time my husband was introduced to the wonderful tastes of Trinidad cuisine. I've though about this before, but lacked access to key trinidadian indegrients. Until I found a website where I could order them. My package came today and I was in 7th heaven. Tamarind sauce, Mango Kuchela, Red Mango, Hot Sauce, Green Seasoning, Pomsiterre Amchar and Phulourie Mix. Just the names make my mouth go mmmmm mmmm
mmmmm.
Today became remember your youthday. The smell of the phulourie batter put me in a trance. I tried to recapture the steam of the brown bags by putting the fried phulourie into paper towels and a ziploc bag... pretty good I must say! And the tamarind chutney was to die for. There ain't anything like Trinidadian Tamarind Chutney in this world! My mouth went mmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm.
The doubles came out pretty good too. Though being health concious I roasted my doubles on the tava rather than frying them. The kuchela, hot sauce and tamarind sauce transported me back to the island. All I was missing was some green coconut water.
Man those were the days! But today's efforts were well worth the taste :-) .. and there's more of that phulourie batter left over ...
My Mouth goes Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm ...
Holy Faith Convent, Couva. My high school. Lunch Break at 11am. Time to run to the cafeteria. Reason - freshly fried phulourie - 6 for a dollar, soaking up some home-made tamarind sauce with plenty of pepper and garlic, served to you in a little brown bag. The brown bag captured the steam from the hot phulourie and the taste was just to die for and the price was easy on the pocket money :-)
On Sundays after attending services at the Local Mandir, we would head to the nearest doubles stand. Doubles is basically 2 pieces of fried dough, eaten as a sandwich, with a filling of chana, kuchela(kinda like grated mango achar) and hot sauce. Washed down with fresh coconut water.
Man those were the days!
5 years into marriage, I decided it was high time my husband was introduced to the wonderful tastes of Trinidad cuisine. I've though about this before, but lacked access to key trinidadian indegrients. Until I found a website where I could order them. My package came today and I was in 7th heaven. Tamarind sauce, Mango Kuchela, Red Mango, Hot Sauce, Green Seasoning, Pomsiterre Amchar and Phulourie Mix. Just the names make my mouth go mmmmm mmmm
mmmmm.
Today became remember your youthday. The smell of the phulourie batter put me in a trance. I tried to recapture the steam of the brown bags by putting the fried phulourie into paper towels and a ziploc bag... pretty good I must say! And the tamarind chutney was to die for. There ain't anything like Trinidadian Tamarind Chutney in this world! My mouth went mmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm.
The doubles came out pretty good too. Though being health concious I roasted my doubles on the tava rather than frying them. The kuchela, hot sauce and tamarind sauce transported me back to the island. All I was missing was some green coconut water.
Man those were the days! But today's efforts were well worth the taste :-) .. and there's more of that phulourie batter left over ...
My Mouth goes Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm ...
Monday, July 23, 2007
Raja Rocks
When we recently changed apartments, I signed up for Zee TV on comcast with a heavy heart ... the balcony was not positioned correctly for Direct TV :-(
I eat my words today, after watching the episode of Sa Re Ga Ma Pa where Salman Khan was the guest. One hot performance after the other ! It totally made the switch to Zee worth it!
Ofcourse, there was one performance that stood out heads and shoulders above the rest .. my favorite .. Raja Hasan from Bikaner. His singing gives me goose-bumps. This man is phenomenal and also comes across as the most humble person on earth. A deadly combination.
Here is the link to the performance. Raja Hasan’s Maahiya Performance - 21st July.
You learn the most interesting things when you google. Like Raja's dad sang one of my favorite ghazals from the 1980 movie Pyara Dushman. Till date, this song shakes me to my soul and I could never figure out who the singer was. Now the son has lead me to the father. Thank you Raja!
http://www.musicindiaonline.com/music/hindi_bollywood/s/movie_name.8874/ - the first song here is sung by Raja's dad - Ab Jo Bichede Jo.
I hope that for once, SRGMP selects a singer who is worthy of winning. And since Raja has been the top vote getter for the past 3 weeks, it looks like it may very well happen this time ..hurray!
I eat my words today, after watching the episode of Sa Re Ga Ma Pa where Salman Khan was the guest. One hot performance after the other ! It totally made the switch to Zee worth it!
Ofcourse, there was one performance that stood out heads and shoulders above the rest .. my favorite .. Raja Hasan from Bikaner. His singing gives me goose-bumps. This man is phenomenal and also comes across as the most humble person on earth. A deadly combination.
Here is the link to the performance. Raja Hasan’s Maahiya Performance - 21st July.
You learn the most interesting things when you google. Like Raja's dad sang one of my favorite ghazals from the 1980 movie Pyara Dushman. Till date, this song shakes me to my soul and I could never figure out who the singer was. Now the son has lead me to the father. Thank you Raja!
http://www.musicindiaonline.com/music/hindi_bollywood/s/movie_name.8874/ - the first song here is sung by Raja's dad - Ab Jo Bichede Jo.
I hope that for once, SRGMP selects a singer who is worthy of winning. And since Raja has been the top vote getter for the past 3 weeks, it looks like it may very well happen this time ..hurray!
Gluten Free Diet
My accupuncturist recommended avoiding wheat(gluten) to clear up my chakras. Being Indian and vegetarian that's a tall order! A trip to Whole Foods, a neighborhood store specializing in Natural Foods introduced me to the world of gluten free foods. I did not know bread and pasta could be made from Brown Rice! I bought some but have not had the guts to try it yet!
Day 1 my diet looked like this
Breakfast - 2 slices of Sprouted Wheat Bread(apparently sprouted wheat is ok).
Snack - Watermelon, Nectarines
Lunch - Sambhar, Parval Sabzi, and Dalia (made from a mixture of brown rice, barley, quinoa and millet).
Snack - Baked Potato Chips
Dinner - Sambar, Dosa and Coconut Chutney
I guess one day is too soon to note any differences as a result of the new diet, but I hope to keep this up long enough to see if it makes a difference. What brought this on you ask ? My constant headaches and sniffly nose :-)
Day 1 my diet looked like this
Breakfast - 2 slices of Sprouted Wheat Bread(apparently sprouted wheat is ok).
Snack - Watermelon, Nectarines
Lunch - Sambhar, Parval Sabzi, and Dalia (made from a mixture of brown rice, barley, quinoa and millet).
Snack - Baked Potato Chips
Dinner - Sambar, Dosa and Coconut Chutney
I guess one day is too soon to note any differences as a result of the new diet, but I hope to keep this up long enough to see if it makes a difference. What brought this on you ask ? My constant headaches and sniffly nose :-)
Saturday, July 21, 2007
He Lives, He Lives
Quite an adventure we had ourselves last night. We showed up at the neighborhood bookstore at 10pm, stood in line from 12am - 2.30am till I finally had my hands on the latest Harry Potter book. Ofcourse, I read the last chapter first, to make sure Harry survived. This, while Vinay drove us home.
Then I was up till 7am when I just could not keep my eyes open any longer. I feel asleep to the sound of a neighborhood kid shouting "I'm finished, I"m finished." After sleeping for 4 hours, I read another 4 hours to finish up the book. Seeing I was in my own little world, Vinay was left with the responsibility to make and feed me lunch :-)
Before the book went on sale at midnight, there was a carnival atmosphere in the bookstore with people in costume, free give-aways and excited kids all over the store. There was a Snape, several Harry's, Hermione's, Dumbledores, Trelaney, Sprout and even a pair of Weasley twins. But my favorites costumers was Dolores Umbridge and Rita Skeeter. I am proud to say that I was the only professor McGronnogal.
The 7th and last book is most satisfying. My hunch was right. Harry was the last horcrux. But Voldermort did not know that and that's the reason why Harry dies but survives. Now that's a twist!
Ofcourse, Dumbledore shows up, but not a la Gandalf. But he's there. Sirius is mentioned in passing. Contrary to popular oponion that JK would kill one of the main characters, she spared them all. Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione, Hagrid, they all make it. I mean even Draco Malfoy makes it! The saddest deaths were that of Dobby the house-elf and Fred Weasley.
With the 7th book JK has ended the saga of Harry Potter. But by putting in an epilogue that has 6 new characters (the kids of HP-JW, RW-HG and DM, she leaves us with the possibility of another series. Now the wait begins all over again! Of course, I'll read the book 10 times again in the meantime :-)
Then I was up till 7am when I just could not keep my eyes open any longer. I feel asleep to the sound of a neighborhood kid shouting "I'm finished, I"m finished." After sleeping for 4 hours, I read another 4 hours to finish up the book. Seeing I was in my own little world, Vinay was left with the responsibility to make and feed me lunch :-)
Before the book went on sale at midnight, there was a carnival atmosphere in the bookstore with people in costume, free give-aways and excited kids all over the store. There was a Snape, several Harry's, Hermione's, Dumbledores, Trelaney, Sprout and even a pair of Weasley twins. But my favorites costumers was Dolores Umbridge and Rita Skeeter. I am proud to say that I was the only professor McGronnogal.
The 7th and last book is most satisfying. My hunch was right. Harry was the last horcrux. But Voldermort did not know that and that's the reason why Harry dies but survives. Now that's a twist!
Ofcourse, Dumbledore shows up, but not a la Gandalf. But he's there. Sirius is mentioned in passing. Contrary to popular oponion that JK would kill one of the main characters, she spared them all. Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermione, Hagrid, they all make it. I mean even Draco Malfoy makes it! The saddest deaths were that of Dobby the house-elf and Fred Weasley.
With the 7th book JK has ended the saga of Harry Potter. But by putting in an epilogue that has 6 new characters (the kids of HP-JW, RW-HG and DM, she leaves us with the possibility of another series. Now the wait begins all over again! Of course, I'll read the book 10 times again in the meantime :-)
Friday, July 20, 2007
Hari Puttar
It's July 20, and we're about 7.5 hours away from finding out if Harry Potter, or Hari Puttar, finishes off Voldermort in the final book of the series. Vinay and I are meeting up for dinner with KK and Aparna, our friends who are more into Harry than I am! We then plan to be at the bookstore at midnight to get our copies of the book!
The internet is abuzz with spoilers and guesses about what happens in the book. And I've been googling like crazy since this morning to read all of them! My favorites are
1. Snape is Albus Dumbledore's love child
2. Hermione moves over to the Dark Side
3. Harry gets drunk and breaks his pelvis
4. Loony Luna is actually Harry's mom in disguise
Ofcourse, I am hoping that all the main characters survive, but knowing J.K., she will spring a few deaths on us :-( .. As long as it is not Harry, Hermione, Hagrid or Ron, I will be very happy. And if Dumbledore comes back a la Gandalf (Lord of the Rings) I will certainly be very happy!
Although classified as a children's book, I find many re-occuring themes in the HP Series that would match up to any great literary classic. No wonder, the books can be read over and over again. I predict than 10-20 years down the road, my would-be kids will be reading these books in school :-)
The internet is abuzz with spoilers and guesses about what happens in the book. And I've been googling like crazy since this morning to read all of them! My favorites are
1. Snape is Albus Dumbledore's love child
2. Hermione moves over to the Dark Side
3. Harry gets drunk and breaks his pelvis
4. Loony Luna is actually Harry's mom in disguise
Ofcourse, I am hoping that all the main characters survive, but knowing J.K., she will spring a few deaths on us :-( .. As long as it is not Harry, Hermione, Hagrid or Ron, I will be very happy. And if Dumbledore comes back a la Gandalf (Lord of the Rings) I will certainly be very happy!
Although classified as a children's book, I find many re-occuring themes in the HP Series that would match up to any great literary classic. No wonder, the books can be read over and over again. I predict than 10-20 years down the road, my would-be kids will be reading these books in school :-)
My first Posting
My first try, inspired by my brother, Udit. He's a really cool writer and I thought since we share the same genes :-) maybe I can be some good at this too.
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